A slow burn tonight ...

and that is not just the log fire ... this evening ...

time spent by a bedside again ... with the moving image ... quite bemusing to communicate with my mum in law from many miles away ...

I am still a novice with this type of communication. I have been in contact via this medium at times with various family members after my husband died. That is it so far. At times I wonder if it will be beyond here. This is the same in all areas of my life now.

Will it go beyond ...

Most definitely...the past is ...

... here ...

A night of decisions made poignantly without our loved one who is no longer with us ... the times in a family ... when others are missing in the natural timeline of birth life and death, that is now out of sync ..

This often happens ... let alone without the overwhelming situation still evident in parts of the life left still with us long after a life was snuffed out prematurely ... and disgustingly left to rot in neglect ...

The Past Hovers ...

... where ever ... when ever ... 

at least for a while in a cosy environment breathing fresher air ... apart from the toxins we pump into the air with our bricks and mortar and modern contraptions ... we have surrounding us ... 

And those currently going through those times we did ... 

And again for these weeks exposed to the ugly side of life with contact with the world out of my environment ... 

Tomorrow focus on the wonderment of life missed ... especially this area ... too ...

The suns rays

are lighting up the rooms today

lighting up the dust 

except where I have 

dispersed belongings through

Tomorrow from sorrow

Hope from despair
While the soul repairs
Love for life returns
The inner self turns
From dark to lightness
In rich righteousness
And thankful too
A guiding strength through
When all was Upend
On to who depend

Yesterday in Today ...

And it never goes away 

All that people say 

Doesn't ease the way 

Again I will be alone

Long after they're gone

As with the phone 

The one I love

Is a silent belove 

Who now sails above 

Tomorrow from Today ...

Readiness for the travels still anew... 

... I did the bulk of the errands today. All the perpetual things that can still get lost on me.

Tomorrow is topping up the utilities. The electric and gas. This will be a circuit walk out. I also require change for the privilege of using the ladies room in London. It is usually 30p. On my last trip through the city it was 50p, in one place. 

The rituals of travels getting a tad easier. The flow of travellers with the commuters at my town station up to Central Lindon. The suitcases piling on the train alongside all walks of life. 

On arrival at an extremely busy rail station to then taking a ten minute walk from here to the coach station. Thankfully no tube train on this particular journey. 

Again the stream of suitcases from here to there through the busy London streets... The hustle and bustle ...  to the arrivals area of the coach station ... A well oiled conveyor belt of travellers... All going to and from our personal destinations .... 

D Day ... Approaching ...

and sister counting the days too ... I was until it faded ... one day I will keep to task ... at least the main task is still chugging along ...

Time with those and lots to do ... 

In the meantime to get there first ... I hope to fine tune anything I do not want to be disturbed by with the outside in ... tonight ... 

That hopefully will allow time to do a few more trips out, to do that I hope to do this week ... and some relaxation time so as to not be too tired ... and allow for my new ills too ...

To Use Up Food and ingredients

ready to wind down for some time elsewhere. The freezer has had attention. The food stock for my return in case I am not up to much.

I have even more of a system for simple quick home baking. All is slowly returning in that room.. I will get in some yeast in case I return to those methods ... Of baking bread too, 

With yesterday's shannigans ... I hope to do the original meal plans ...too from Friday ... 

I wonder if I will make those homemade sweets I thought about making this weekend.. I am a bit emotionally drained ... 

amazing aspirations to annoying abode

Hopes for a settled sleep... a bit at peace... even with the topsy turvy moods swings 

I am determined to have a healthy life style back seeing first hand what life can do to you... otherwise... 

My damaged thumb nail I was advised would not obviously grow back as was, a ridge had formed over the scar tissue on the nail bed ... it needs care when I care for my nails... I think I was too rigorous last night, it is very tender on the edge of the nail where the scar emerges under and around...

My skin is suffering from this stress so it might be to do with that...

The little bits making an impact ...

a little bit more ... I am in need of the soon to be break even though part of me just would like to get on with it ... being such a chore and the time in motion Dad often spoke of when we grew up ...

Ironically I am living the unnecessary times in motion now for quite a number of years in total, with the living not thought out of in these situations that are more prevalent than some people think ....

And the forgotten family ... the forgotten time and how on earth is someone ever to catch up on such a disorienting time from such a continuous commotion and perpetual moments in that time ... beggars belief at times too ...

Yet to Come

These are probably in bloom now .. I took this the other day ... When I was not quite with the world yet again .. As with all that is yet to fall in place and come ... 

Annoying Abode ... to Amazing Aspirations and

inspired one Saturday as I had a productive day ...
.

from thinking how this home would have been portrayed on Through The Keyhole. I still own a lovely pink beetle car albeit a toy version ... then deep in thought about the kitchen window with its array of love and care back after the black mould and green moss that formed in the worst room, to the stock condition survey and the irony that I do not need a new kitchen. That was the room that was the worse from those days of hubby and the way we could not cope. And the apparent fault of neglect that showed in that stock condition survey that we did look after the property the best way in those conditions. The reason for the proposed eviction overlooking the fact hubby was dying. The forgotten family ... us ...

All and more as the thoughts swung back and forth through an array of productive emotive and sometimes hilarious times today ...

As husband would have liked to see ... my suppressed creativity back on form ...

lost in it

... good that I am seeing someone special tomorrow ... although that evokes emotions ... when we depart from each other ... how life is for us both now ... 

the night after ... the day before

it was a strange sleep ... I was asleep but felt busy throughout that time... those are the nights that follow since living with what I did ...