And ... Anyway ...

as time moves on ... one wants to talk less ...

And others less too ... you quietly soldier on ... hoping that one moment of indecision don't grab you ... or that precipice moment either before you have a chance to reach out ... as already experienced when you do reach out ... you do not make yourself heard right ... more confidence gone ...

...

These Nights ...

thoughtlessness ... on parts of human nature ...

I need to settle and get motivated ... If I don't have to mix with the world or talk with it I might just get through .. but as it is that insulated world with very few people has now gone ... to get used to the workings even now is a task and an half ... 

I now write about ... rather than explain anymore ...

Side by Side ... in life and death ...

an empty space that is there; but it is not empty ... just as this quarter of the year bring those reminders of my husband's last days and death. So does each time of the year we carry on through without him as the moon comes and goes ... what was once this weekend of our own personal occasions, now leading to the Christmas festivities ... and beyond ... the good memories ... 

Post Muddle ...

Another necessary maintenance ...  again another perpetual necessity of life that becomes a muddle and struggle of those not au fait with the other side of life .. It can be like putting your life into a mixer and churning it up beyond recognition 

A fresh new start might now be the option. I had a lot of time to think about it  ... It is the overwhelming task of starting life from scratch again ... And getting order again before being  to do so ... 

Again more understanding if the dilemma was of a different nature. ... That can be faced elsewhere 

From Once I Knew ...

And continually rears triggers along this different way of life I now have ...  And how all those who have not taken me seriously enough ... Facts are facts ... 

Intervention

Why is ones word never believed, until someone else reiterates it?

The Working Day ...

Thankfully I have had some good strangers come into my life and this has helped in my current Deja vu ... and at times I need to be left alone which most acknowledge to come to terms with things as I progress ... I am usually a private person ... and since my husbands illness all that has now gone ... I now cut no ice ... and will have no nonsense now ... and will scream from the top of a mountain if I had to ... to stop at least another untimely death ...