The spare part not ...

two widows and a bachelor girl ... my sister does not like to be called a spinster ... or two widows and a couple up North ... joining the widowhood is an all embracing mischievous time. There are many of us ...

a widowed Aunt at 73 zip-wiring in Canada ... another widow is now doing things her hubby didn't like ... we have all come together at various times. We have all done new things we might not otherwise have done as well. There is a freedom of spirit in the solace and grief.. it is an amazing time in parts ...  

for me I am the young one in the main, and so too am alone in those of us whose kids have flown ... it is sad, though bittersweet... the liken to teenage years again ... though more fun with the wisdom and for me the child like approach too after atypical times...

and the freedom absolutely no-one can at times not knows what I get up to ....!!!  

Life finishing cycles

to another one ... this time being embraced by the various families of my daughters new life in another part of the country. And what my late hubby is missing... he would be in his element ...

This is how it was on moving here, and ironic today, one day long ago now,  I shifted from Cornwall to London ... a lot of plans this week fallen into place of what I be doing in both Cheshire and Cornwall ... time with a buddy group, on log duty, q making mince pies and mulled wine.. and plenty of assistance in sister hand out of action from an op and walks again! 

Once in a while

besides the word of mouth and advice, I have a look see what is out there in the volunteer sector. A diverse amount is available ... 

I like the idea of a little. The putting it in action and not drift off back in my work is the quandary. And some of the long waiting lists and not so good organisation ... and some stresses to get astride 

The latest acquisition in this world, will be trying a little time in the winter ...

An enchanting season into another. The time across counties on busman style times. The contact with passing people of all walks of life an amazing time again of old.

The probability of putting those once well oiled skills back, after the rust of time with an enclosed cumber of time with what to others was so alien and strange. To me a part of what has made me to be who I am now. 

Anew astride

and getting ready for a route different. The thought process in the adventure of it, not the worry. 

Where once a regular traveller, then eventually refusing to get in a cluttered car. The days of railcard travel to advance ticket sales. The fun of explore, in reverse of a trend in isolation. The pockets of recent past where crisis found, still do not fill me without the reverberating time so lost in lost ... 

I have had to have a hard outer core, or I would not be outside no more ... 

Those and these denunciation

such in much ... the day like today not too self analytical ... enough of others do so ... 

A bit of clean in therapy with a bit of another layer peeled back ... in the rooms where wall space is sought, seeked and getting back the reclaimed home ... A bit all over the place at the start of a day I thought was Wednesday. By eve time a little of philosophical logic appearing .... 

Vintage ...

... in off the norm jams marmalade and chutneys etc  ...

....After growing up with homemade ...it is just not the same unless you look yonder ...

The jam or chutney making still not yet ... 

I look for the specialties of others in the same mind ...when I am able ...

A delicious tearoom with their array of these very products in tourist areas and farm shops etc ...

The source of local products ... 

Jam, chutney making

... And dressmaker mannequins... all sounds sticky hot and eerie ... 

Harvest festival time ... 

The decadent soups, the bread making, the garden to table all a distant thing of times ...

The mannequins on sale in a BHS in Crewe added to this in the summer ... all fixtures and fittings were going ... 

The recent turn in a kitchen descuttle yet again, in finding my way around a room chock a block stuffed and the normal, 

The toaster, the kettle the basics of counter ware 

The air fryer, instead the deep fat fryer too big and ginormous for me at the minute 

The healthy grill 

The sandwich toaster, no more ...

Toasties are just as good oven baked or on the healthy grill 

The bread and yogurt, the donut makers 

Waffles, pressure, slow cookers

The multi function ones 

The rice cooker, the steamer 

Th espresso maker gone 

So too the cafetière, the percolator we once had 

The array of counter top products gone and too overwhelming ... to even bother with again 

I have looked at the one multi function item for my kitchen 

Again logic in simple basics again ... time feels better spent elsewhere in these consistent dilemmas 

I promised myself a cafetière... Only I am not good with sharp implement or glass as proven more recently again ... 

Another review of much

in abundance since I been back of small measures in touch. 

Whereas I sample a change of light in mood over a bank holiday weekend 

The wider part is snifled of life ... 

Time out in parts of a town in change ... to have a change of view ... And breathe air plenty 

The hope one day for a breathe of fresh air to be permanent in a home once again 

On a day of transparency not, for another family whose loved one unbeknownst to them died of bagpipe lung ... 

Spluttered, Cluttered, a death, skin infections, floods, Crushed, Broken,

bruised, bled profusely and shattered an item into a zillion prices across a kitchen. That is just a teeny tiny part of the physical story of a recovery with more sorrow to follow than you could write about as with so many of us...

This a summer more enchanting but still we see me up to my mischief of disassociate of life in life

The colour spectacle

in a summer in season 

The look of exotic travels in making Bathpool enticing to visit

A little like those seductive Marks and Spencer's ads that started a trend of selling food ads in abundance. 

This a young local who enjoys the way I portray these images, in again what people think is a rotten town they live in ... 

We have found beauty within everything ... 

Whether I am at the top of Brea hill overlooking of a blue in blue ocean or a backstreet alley in Crewe among the bins of red. I love the breathe of life I am experiencing once again 

Brilliance in the dark

a whole different phase in a more tan, and the start of a long hone in tone, which was split in time alarmed and frail, colour where colour has not been for a long while ... Photos surfacing in this time of toned and tanned limbs in beach wear ... The start of the fit in sports wear. Those not realising sports wear is fit only for those. And not others who seek time in health. I have a silence in what happened to thyself, not one soul knows what I was intending. I was saved by a whisk of time .. 

It is like seeing a wild bird caged and clipped, once agin flying free and well again ... 

Toasty toast and a brew

not in a stew
thy words hubby used
a tea he knew
how to fuse
I miss the new
that now not comes
only old in stain
Darjeeling leaves

Mmm ... a delectable juicy donut

peach ... 

the summer seasonal fruit 

Yummy 

I had hoped to go strawberry picking this coming season 

There is nothing nicer then strawberries befor others get to them in packing for the hyper markets 

The wistful talk in the winter of seasonal fruit ... And how we like them and not what to put in the fridge which ruins the taste 

memories of freshly pick bounty grown in gardens, fields and the wilds 

A leap into the unknown

... I have a lot to say about how good this housing association can be ... apart from that dark time ... at least they learnt ...

I now to pull in all the stops for the next logistical time frame to move on to a freedom of ease in life

A paddle be

River Darent in Kent

not always the sea,

In rivers streams or brooks

a waterfall or a pool,

actin' like a fool, all a drool 

in Scotland, England or Wales 

for me in sunshine or gales

The love of a splish, splash, splosh,

once again I can feel, gosh!

The sink in the sand grit,

not always a favourite hit,

thou for me, a good fit.

... once the deeds are done ...

... theirs is a death that awaits ...

A story prompt ...

Then the coin flips to a more positive story prompt ...

This is a mind ... Tattered to shattered to rectified ...  fathoming a way forward ... 

The bubbling sea

of

• Alluring
• Ambundant 
• Bountiful
• Cherishing
• Daft
• Elegance
• Excrete ranch
• Fathoming 
• Finding
• Flourishing
• Gratitude
• Hauntingly
• Ironic
• Jubilant 
• Kindly
• Letting go
• Luminosity 
• Meditation
• Moderately 
• Musical 
• Negatively 
• Oblivious 
• Positivity
• Quirky
• Really 
• Sensuality in the senses 
• Tantamount 
• Tantalising 
• Uniqueness
• Vibrancy 
• Vitality 
• Wonderment
• Waltzing
• Xanthous 
• Yonder 
• Zest

Another day is nearly here

soon to be away from this clear
a time for a celebration near
and then with those to me dear
for time to say farewell
and assist in a get well

A Breath of fresh air

although it has been a day in a sea of belongings ... a treasure trove in the rubble of life ...it makes a change from being tardy ... I am eager to see what lies beneath for the time ... Still not without my rumbles of grumbles and growls ... 

The incredulous in the land of lay

The silence before the start of day 

The thinking in the way 

of those items no longer to stay 

The items that are to put away 

the items to keep from going astray 

In the meantime I have lots to say 

Into Stroppy mode

if I am not aware 

I am a bit fresh myself

In making the home free of the clutter remains

all the dirt rubbed off on me

it has been quite a dust cloud this week

I worked in my PJs today

A dip in the bath is now required ...

A freshness Appearing ...

this in all aspects ...

I still feel disjointed in social settings

I no longer interested in certain strands of small talk or in depth. It takes special connections on par with others troubles I have time for  ... to listen ... 

I connected with one person outside the know ... to talk of hoarding ...

And I listened to a local councillor have a good 'ol rant about moany constituents; while waiting to see an MP 

grasping the bit ...

... Into a new era ...  

I found it hard to be out tonight 

I wanted to get in the black hole behind a cupboard door 

I went out, achieved that goal on returning home ; now for the next stage tomorrow 

Troubled waters ...

... finding me own solutions ...

I shut everything out today to find a way back ... from the darkest recesses of the mind ... the contentment intertwined in that of my late husband ...

Fearless in Fruition ...?

our ambitions ...

... fear of drowning ... puts off sister in rowing on the river ... 

She would like to try canoeing ... I said that is what is in mind too ... only I would not fit ... 

I would like to do white water rafting ...

And things I would never have done once ... bungee jumping and jumping out a plane ... all things presently a no go ... I would break the rope ... plop through the sky ... and more ... 

Life in Prompts ...

... time in suppressed creativity in all forms ... encouraged by the few ... 

The unleashing into ideas prompts words and it started with an image ... 

The rocky road where I finally found a niche ... the talk with family long before I took the plunge ... The fact my sister who has done social media but never this platform ...yet ...pleased that I actually did and doing it ... 

It is coming round to a year ... Since a debut blog and post ... 

In this time it unfurled into many strands ... At times I was unable to keep up with this mind ... 

There are many and various ... representing  the evolving recovery in this short time ... in a long life with too much time for a while ... missing along with what was destroyed by unnecessary moments 

That aside  ... I am thankfully too and for those who take time in enjoying .. I hope the many visits passing my way ... and as I am inspired by all around me in sharing that inspiration on ... 

The private discussions in how to turn the troubles ...

... around ... 

Our daughter replacing the little things that others would not know on the first part of this journey back from such loss in tragic hoarding circumstances...

The revitalisation in getting on with it on my own again ... As I did back ...

Nothing or no one would understand what I am going through now ... Each step reliving traumas in ya face ... 

A Change on the horizon ...

... carrying on from a last private conversation with my mum in law on enquiringly how I was getting on ... The very last time I saw her ... 

Naturally intrigued how things were ... the shared silent bond of times with the men in our lives being the way they were ... 

A Time with Me and Myself ...

My music in time to enjoy while I worked on the home and played with words ... There was no knock, taps or buzzers at the door ... No parcels to take in today...

No demands on my time or comments made or misinterpretations no flirting or arguing ... In fact I would make a good experiment as in Big Brother style for one ... How you can keep amused with logs as you go about your day ... 

Mine are like talking to the wall or writing a story  ... Quietly listening ... 

Proof Reading

my work by a daughter who has surpassed my knowledge of the subject ... to be printed ... 

I have experience ...  she has both ... 

This is what is good about blogging ... It is instanteous ... Well my way of things ... Simplicity in my craft ... 

A way of knowing what reads well ... sees well and is revisited well by the popular post function ... A way of self publishing ... getting a head start of what goes down well ... 

In all my crafts ... It is the pleasure of doing and the happiness it brings all round ... The thought proving time of things ... It is the same for us all  ... Including my late husbands award winning cooking, glass painting and flower arranging ... Even his busking in latter days given pleasure to others ... 

It is now bringing it in with my hobbies and alongside a fully functioning week that used to be before life dissolved into an utter mess ... It is so tiring to function still at times ... From the overwhelming tasks that still lay ahead ... 

An evening with me

Is a familiar time now ..

And today was a real mix of past present and future ...

The paperwork to post ...  the brochure back to the funeral home tomorrow ...

The still coordination needed in my intermittant care which I will be glad to see the back of up here

And what was to be an eve ...

Of a dearth day

Hoping for the tomorrow in today with our latest loss ...

Those titles in a photo some cannot bear to see when one passes ... For us it has unusual connotations of a once vibrant life ...

• Dad with Marigold 
• Under the Gazebo
• Play in the Paddles 
• Whence one went out 
• Poopies in a Cornfield 
• Reflections in Water 
• Mellow yellow meadow 
• No Parking at Any time 
• The Old Man 
• Reflections by the River 
• Eynsford Ford in the Shade 
• By the River Darent 
• Live for it 
• Red arrow moves 
• The Clock that Was 
• A field in Shoreham 
• A village hill walk 
• The Old Cattle Bridge 
• My Foot in it 
• A lamp post in Farmingham 
• Strawberries in time 

A slow burn tonight ...

and that is not just the log fire ... this evening ...

time spent by a bedside again ... with the moving image ... quite bemusing to communicate with my mum in law from many miles away ...

I am still a novice with this type of communication. I have been in contact via this medium at times with various family members after my husband died. That is it so far. At times I wonder if it will be beyond here. This is the same in all areas of my life now.

Will it go beyond ...

Most definitely...the past is ...

... here ...

A night of decisions made poignantly without our loved one who is no longer with us ... the times in a family ... when others are missing in the natural timeline of birth life and death, that is now out of sync ..

This often happens ... let alone without the overwhelming situation still evident in parts of the life left still with us long after a life was snuffed out prematurely ... and disgustingly left to rot in neglect ...

The Past Hovers ...

... where ever ... when ever ... 

at least for a while in a cosy environment breathing fresher air ... apart from the toxins we pump into the air with our bricks and mortar and modern contraptions ... we have surrounding us ... 

And those currently going through those times we did ... 

And again for these weeks exposed to the ugly side of life with contact with the world out of my environment ... 

Tomorrow focus on the wonderment of life missed ... especially this area ... too ...

The suns rays

are lighting up the rooms today

lighting up the dust 

except where I have 

dispersed belongings through

Tomorrow from sorrow

Hope from despair
While the soul repairs
Love for life returns
The inner self turns
From dark to lightness
In rich righteousness
And thankful too
A guiding strength through
When all was Upend
On to who depend

Yesterday in Today ...

And it never goes away 

All that people say 

Doesn't ease the way 

Again I will be alone

Long after they're gone

As with the phone 

The one I love

Is a silent belove 

Who now sails above 

Tomorrow from Today ...

Readiness for the travels still anew... 

... I did the bulk of the errands today. All the perpetual things that can still get lost on me.

Tomorrow is topping up the utilities. The electric and gas. This will be a circuit walk out. I also require change for the privilege of using the ladies room in London. It is usually 30p. On my last trip through the city it was 50p, in one place. 

The rituals of travels getting a tad easier. The flow of travellers with the commuters at my town station up to Central Lindon. The suitcases piling on the train alongside all walks of life. 

On arrival at an extremely busy rail station to then taking a ten minute walk from here to the coach station. Thankfully no tube train on this particular journey. 

Again the stream of suitcases from here to there through the busy London streets... The hustle and bustle ...  to the arrivals area of the coach station ... A well oiled conveyor belt of travellers... All going to and from our personal destinations .... 

D Day ... Approaching ...

and sister counting the days too ... I was until it faded ... one day I will keep to task ... at least the main task is still chugging along ...

Time with those and lots to do ... 

In the meantime to get there first ... I hope to fine tune anything I do not want to be disturbed by with the outside in ... tonight ... 

That hopefully will allow time to do a few more trips out, to do that I hope to do this week ... and some relaxation time so as to not be too tired ... and allow for my new ills too ...

To Use Up Food and ingredients

ready to wind down for some time elsewhere. The freezer has had attention. The food stock for my return in case I am not up to much.

I have even more of a system for simple quick home baking. All is slowly returning in that room.. I will get in some yeast in case I return to those methods ... Of baking bread too, 

With yesterday's shannigans ... I hope to do the original meal plans ...too from Friday ... 

I wonder if I will make those homemade sweets I thought about making this weekend.. I am a bit emotionally drained ... 

amazing aspirations to annoying abode

Hopes for a settled sleep... a bit at peace... even with the topsy turvy moods swings 

I am determined to have a healthy life style back seeing first hand what life can do to you... otherwise... 

My damaged thumb nail I was advised would not obviously grow back as was, a ridge had formed over the scar tissue on the nail bed ... it needs care when I care for my nails... I think I was too rigorous last night, it is very tender on the edge of the nail where the scar emerges under and around...

My skin is suffering from this stress so it might be to do with that...

The little bits making an impact ...

a little bit more ... I am in need of the soon to be break even though part of me just would like to get on with it ... being such a chore and the time in motion Dad often spoke of when we grew up ...

Ironically I am living the unnecessary times in motion now for quite a number of years in total, with the living not thought out of in these situations that are more prevalent than some people think ....

And the forgotten family ... the forgotten time and how on earth is someone ever to catch up on such a disorienting time from such a continuous commotion and perpetual moments in that time ... beggars belief at times too ...

Yet to Come

These are probably in bloom now .. I took this the other day ... When I was not quite with the world yet again .. As with all that is yet to fall in place and come ... 

Annoying Abode ... to Amazing Aspirations and

inspired one Saturday as I had a productive day ...
.

from thinking how this home would have been portrayed on Through The Keyhole. I still own a lovely pink beetle car albeit a toy version ... then deep in thought about the kitchen window with its array of love and care back after the black mould and green moss that formed in the worst room, to the stock condition survey and the irony that I do not need a new kitchen. That was the room that was the worse from those days of hubby and the way we could not cope. And the apparent fault of neglect that showed in that stock condition survey that we did look after the property the best way in those conditions. The reason for the proposed eviction overlooking the fact hubby was dying. The forgotten family ... us ...

All and more as the thoughts swung back and forth through an array of productive emotive and sometimes hilarious times today ...

As husband would have liked to see ... my suppressed creativity back on form ...

lost in it

... good that I am seeing someone special tomorrow ... although that evokes emotions ... when we depart from each other ... how life is for us both now ... 

the night after ... the day before

it was a strange sleep ... I was asleep but felt busy throughout that time... those are the nights that follow since living with what I did ... 

Stuffed with Delicious Food ...

Which is unusual ... I still have a pud to have ... As usual I will go with how it goes ... You can tell I am from the country ... For I have already eaten ... 

It means a nice leisurely evening out of the kitchen. And getting to do the more of the other things I fill my time with. A pamper time now. Time to enjoy what I have achieved to date, ignoring for now the still overwhelmingly things to get done from the past to enjoy more of this now ... 

Special Time Seclusion ...

I have decided on a carvery at home. I had even toyed with the idea of having a meal at our other eating place we used to like very much, near our previous home.

A very evocative day listening to music lain quiet for so long. A load of baking in a kitchen long lain cold dank and uninspiring. 

This home is filling with life and love again ...

The Extra Day Hours ...

gives me time out time ...

Today is using the Sunday service transport ... Tomorrow is either a Carvery at home or out to our favourite restaurant to remember a special day to us ... I could have gone to Cornwall and stayed in the area for a few days special to us ... I was not in the mood. I rather do what I am doing ... I found that on this time ... You do not need to be places ... or necessarily doing what we had originally planned at this stage of life ... Plans alter to time and need ... I am fallen in love with life again ... and happy to be here doing what I am doing and I am going soon anyway. I am striving to learn something new daily to take away the relentless task of clearing a life too much anyway ... 

Looking forward to daughter driving test time coming up in April ... their next home ... and taking stuff from here. 

A special month of May ... and whatever may come ...

Time Slips Away ...

And that helps in one way in getting things swiftly into action one moment in that realisation ... On low mood time one finds not so ... 

The Darkness is revealing

a lightness ... Looking at the possibility not the improbability... Tasks Rooms Areas aspects all around  inside while life moves outside .. I have been in a time bubble 

The Signal strength ...

... In the Lake District... No matter what daughter is doing she will make sure I can be in contact ... We are in contact by text currently ... the Instant Messaging is poor where she is ... 

I have the same problem travelling in and to Kernow ... Although I had no problem from the top of the world hill ... in Daymer Bay in Cornwall ... 

One of the many life style adjustments; on getting to resettle there ... 

A turbulent few weeks. A testing time. A trying time. I have made progress in and out of these times. The freezer is rotated better. I have done more cooking, even when it was a struggle. My presentation is not on par with my late hubby's who had more patience, than me at times in those better day's. My patience is now founded, it took that time to do so. My once laid back, gentle giant of a man who I will be celebrating the life of ... on Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday and of course the forthcoming Valentines Day when our baby was supposed to be due ... eventually coming into the world at the end of February ... all those years ago now ... who now has financially security next year, in her starting point of her post as a teacher ... just as she comes to the celebrations of her day ... We are already celebrating ... this juncture in her life ... her Dad would have been so very proud ... 

And the clearing back of items in the home has started. The slow process of some semblance of order. The removal of belongings stuffed into the recesses of the home for me to go through, some of which I had no interest in the first instance, to continually thin out the home to not only live, but to move to a less impulsive life ... 

Only today I came across a grubby set of utensils they kept ... when we had newer stuff taken ... grrr ... if only they realised .... so much that was not taken on aboard at the outset ... we would have appreciated the newer stuff. The older items had no air circulation, so we were left with a ruined mess in places ... besides the fact my husband was rotting alive ... 

The dark recesses of life ...

mind and death ... It means in coming back to the world ... I do things I would not necessarily have contemplated before ... some  of the things I have done and might do would ... astonish my husband ...

My Mind ... Learning to Relax ... To Good Moments

brings it own difficulties in all these ideas whirling around ... And as they do in the most deepest moments we have in our private times ... 

In the little room ... The middle of sleep ... 

And as often the case when I am supposed to be resting ... This happens to us at the best of times ... for us ... we are catching up on lost chances to create and do things together as parent and child ...

I hope to capture some more moments tonight in the many ideas whirring in overdrive ... Then selecting what can and cannot be achieved in my life now ... while I clear a life now past ... 

Trying to get some organisation in mind and home ...

reminding me of the time when a particular set of understanding came briefly in my life

A tidy house is a tidy mind

I have strived for that against so much until that day ... now it is back to being on my own as time moves and people retreat back into the wood work ... as is human nature ... still leaving me with remnants of a ill-gotten time ... tut tut ... 

My life changed forever after that experience; in more ways than one ...

Awoke with a start ...

Those symptoms anew that gets you ... After such a time it is still there ... Memories stirred this week again ... 

A Tick Tock In That Clock ...

Takes me back to a time of sitting in front rooms. An era now gone, of those Great Aunts and Uncles and cousins of the maternal grandparents generation, in the county we were born. 

We now have the painting that sat on the wall in their best room, it is now in my Mum's best room. I was able to show and share memories in the type of room I grew up visiting, in recent times at the Geffyre Musuem of the home with my daughter.

It is sitting having tea with this generation now long gone, the tick tock and hourly chimes of those clocks in the background. Again those senses that come into play. These homes on the outskirts of a town so near to where we were born. No longer able to visit for new people now live there. And the maternity hospital pulled down to make way for a road. My husbands birth place is now pulled down in the time I have lived here, in this county. And the last time I went to Gravesend with my daughter, her birth place was then derelict. We joked it would make a good place now to shoot a home movie.

Clocks that take such pride of place in homes, and in all grand styles, in friends homes too. Memories too of my late Dad's favourite places he shared with us ... housing one of the oldest clocks.

That First Winter...

Of widowhood was full of snow covered ground ... the following two winters I don't recall much of that time at the moment...

Memories come and go ...It is a very missed up bag of times ... I do know that conflicts have been much of this time and still in hope that will ease eventually 

There really is not much on this area on one level ... yet do much in a time now past...

It is much easier to revert to indoors. The positive side to life for one, is you do not have to see, hear, any of the silliness of life and interaction with people and things that grate you. 

I like this time to do as I please to a certain extent. No debates. No waiting. No wasting time. You get on with the things you like to do, the best you can in this still alien ambiance.

A Good Set Of Memories ...

for the gloom this time of year ... which was my aim for this month, to keep me busy with them; whilst doing the hard task of de-cluttering ... I have had some rest and a change of scenery, to appreciate what I have left in life.

Being the month, which is now eternally the dismal month, I was to lay my husband to his eternal resting place or not. We watched a news report on the way the dead are dealt with in Greece, while in Cornwall. It was not pleasant viewing. It contradicts things.

Space here too, will be a premium with the continued population growth and its geographical, economical permutations and the rest of it ....

All the Christmas decorations ...

packed away, recycled or chucked. And those unwanted gifts again passing through the charity shops for another year .... We are midweek through the first full week of 2016 ... A new year ... though old for me in my inner turmoils ... 

It is continually surreal, only today I had a feeling that hit me I am not seeing my hubby still ... There are times that I cannot believe I am not seeing him ... 

I have certainly set out the end of last year ...

and from the 22nd of December in my daily resolutions of putting in place plans while I was elsewhere in illness or travelling to get things into perspective ... Today I sifted through more items from the past and got rid ... And or used ... I still not sure on a memory book ... With some of items found, I tend to go back and forth with this ... do I or not ... I think if I kept it minimal maybe ... 

It might be a memory box ... For now to collect and see how I feel when life maybe settles ... And on a better frame of mind ... 

Travelling from Industrial Brtain ... in the North west of England ...

Recently .... And from Kernow with its tourist trade (and on the many journeys down through the counties by car in years long past now,) with the many differences in the South East to the South West ... And the modern environments ... Which in parts have still has a lot to catch up with ...  

And now experiencing the North West again; it is evident from the weeds, litter, smelly refuse on and along the pavements and roadsides, and pavements my late Dad would have struggled with  ... It is like going back in time ... Shops too all unique and what I was once used to growing up with ... in a less populated area though ... 

There has been much said about the North and South. There is also a history of back to back houses and tennaments that I have seen in some intersting documentaries and often portrayed in films etc. In these industrial parts and inner cities too ... The smog disappearing in these industrialised areas, after acts were passed to clean up the air ... 

There is a continuing rich history surrounding us. History both good and bad most evident still, on my travels again, I notice even more so ... and not just the listed buildings protecting this heritage ... But still everyday and day to day now and not always considered and protected ... The dereliction in places is quite enormous ... when so much building elsewhere squeezed into so many impossible places ...

I have also been exposed to the outside world more from staying with others. Housing space was very much in the news ...

All the inadequacies in life, the lack of planning, the mish mash of properties ... How ugly it all looks at times ... But fascinating to me with my fresh outlook after being enclosed ... inside for too long ... 

That time of year ...

The festive parties, festive food, the merriment ... all of these triggers from that death day ... And preceding and following on from that .... One shortest day; one year ... 

Another time through it ...  And finally normality reigns ... but worse than normal ... it took a month for the feelings to dwell up ... This time last year ... But such is life ... Feelings do not disappear ... Everything is useless ... Life goes on ... With part is self missing ...